CaptainValor

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Stephen Torrence, also known by his YouTube username, CaptainValor, is an avid Jonathan Coulton fan, best known for his American Sign Language interpretations. He has performed one of them live with JoCo on stage, at a concert in Dallas on May 13th, 2009.

He recently announced via his Facebook fan page that he would be releasing 7 new songs in on week of December. Three of the songs announced are JoCo cover: "Big Bad World One", "Christmas is Interesting", and "I Feel Fantastic".

ASL Songs

Here's a condensed list of the JoCo songs that CaptainValor has done in ASL:

ASL Song Glosses

Under each song below is a transcript of the Signs that he used alongside the song's lyrics.

Still Alive

This was a triumph.
HERE TRIUMPH
I'm making a note here:
I WRITE
HUGE SUCCESS.
BIG SUCCESS
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
HARD EXPRESS MY SATISFIED

Aperture Science.
{APERTURE} SCIENCE
We do what we must because we can.
DO WHY? WE CAN
For the good of all of us
HELP-(all)
Except the ones who are dead.
BUT NOT PEOPLE DEAD

But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
BUT YOU NOT CRY ABOUT MISTAKE+++
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
YOU TRY+++ UNTIL CAKE GONE
And the science gets done and you make a neat gun.
SCIENCE FINISH, YOU MAKE COOL GUN
For the people who are still alive.
FOR PEOPLE STILL ALIVE

I'm not even angry.
I NOT ANGRY
I'm being so sincere right now.
I TELL TRUE
Even though you broke my heart and killed me.
NO-MATTER YOU BREAK HEART, KILL-(me)
And tore me to pieces.
TEAR-(me)+++
And threw every piece into a fire.
THROW-(me)-(at)+++ FIRE
And as they burned it hurt because
AS BURN HURT WHY?
I was so happy for you!
I HAPPY FOR-(you)

Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
NOW POINTS {DATA} MAKE BEAUTIFUL LINE
And we're out of beta, we're releasing on time.
NOW FINISH, LEAVE ON-TIME
So I'm GLaD I got burned.
I HAPPY I BURN
Think of all the things we learned
THINK-(about) ALL LEARN
For the people who are still alive.
FOR PEOPLE STILL ALIVE

Go ahead and leave me.
YOU LEAVE-(me)
I think I prefer to stay inside.
I PREFER STAY INSIDE
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
MAYBE YOU FIND OTHER PERSON, HELP-(you)
Maybe Black Mesa...
MAYBE BLACK TABLE
THAT WAS A JOKE. Haha. FAT CHANCE.
THAT JOKE, FUNNY, FAT MAYBE
Anyway, this cake is great.
AND CAKE AWESOME
It's so delicious and moist.
DELICIOUS, MOIST

Look at me still talking when there's science to do.
LOOK-(at me) TALK++, SCIENCE NOT FINISH
When I look out there it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I LOOK-OUT, HAPPY NOT YOU
I've experiments to run there is research to be done
HAVE EXPERIMENTS, RESEARCH
On the people who are still alive
ON PEOPLE STILL ALIVE

And believe me I am still alive.
BELIEVE-(me) I STILL ALIVE
I'm doing science and I'm still alive.
I DO SCIENCE, I STILL ALIVE
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
I FEEL AWESOME, I STILL ALIVE
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
AS YOU DETERIORATE, I STILL ALIVE
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
WHEN YOU DEAD, I STILL ALIVE

Still alive
STILL ALIVE
Still alive
STILL ALIVE

Blue Sunny Day

Early light that burns my eyes,
Morning light eyes-hurt
A minute more the sun will rise
Future soon sun-rising
And paint the bright blue sky with yellow gold
Paint-sky gold
I'll be dead asleep by then,
I future sleep
Shut up in this box again
(This BOX) I shut
Until it's gone
Until sun leave
Outside I can hear it
Outside I hear
Birds are singing, bees are buzzing, sun shines overhead
Bird music, bee [flying], sun [shining]
I'd be there to see it but I can't get out of bed
I go outside but can’t get-up
Since the day you left the weather always feels this way
Since you leave me weather always same
One more blue sunny day
1-more blue sun-shining day


Looking for an easy mark
Look-for easy meal
I hit the Denny's after dark
Night go-to DENNYS
And take a lonely waitress home to drink,
Bring lonesome waiter girl home neck-bite drink
She's sincere, but halfway through
She honest, but half
I find I'm wishing she was you
I wish she-you [IX-same]
My blood goes cold
My blood become cold
I guess this date is over
Now this date finish
Several hours later I'm the only one awake
Several hour later I alone awake
All these streets are empty, it's just me and my mistake
All street empty, I alone with my mistake
One by one the stars go out as black sky turns to gray
Stars one-by-one covered, sky black become gray
One more blue sunny day
1-more blue sun-shining day


Sometimes I see how long I can wait (getting pretty late, getting pretty late, pretty late)
Sometime I see how-long can wait
Tempting disaster by my garden gate
Invite death beside my gate
My trembling hand's on the cellar door (just a little more, just a little more, little more)
Hands-shaking grip [upward] (little more, more++)
Trying not to think of what it is I'm waiting for
Try not ponder you


All at once I've had enough
Sudden-hit I decide
As if I'm made of sterner stuff
Pretend I strong
I take a breath and open up the door
[Breathe deep] open-door
Dawn breaks hard and falls on me
Light hurt-me [close eyes, crouch]
For just one moment I can see
[Squint] Look out
The pale blue sky
Sky
I close my eyes because
[close eyes] Why?
The world's so bright and beautiful I have to look away
World [emphasis] bright, beautiful, must look away
Braced against the beauty of another perfect day
Resist other beautiful, perfect day
As I go to pieces and the breeze blows me away
I deteriorate, wind blow-me-away
One more blue sunny day
1-more blue sun-shining day

The Future Soon

Last week I left a note on Lauras desk
LAST WEEK, LAURA DESK NOTE [PLACE-THERE]
It said I love you signed anonymous friend
QUOTE LOVE-YOU FROM SECRET FRIEND
Turns out shes smarter than I thought she was
SHE SMART-ER, FIGURE NOTE OUT
She knows I wrote it, now the whole class does too
SHE KNOWS NOTE MINE, SHE TELL CLASS
And Im alone during couple skate
NIGHT SKATE I ALONE
When she skates by with some guy on her arm
SEE-HER SKATE-BY, WITH MAN WHAT?
But I know that Ill forget the look of pity in her face
I FUTURE FORGET, SHE-PITY-ME
When Im living in my solar dome on a platform in space
WHEN LIVE IN DOME [in-space]

Cause its gonna be the future soon
FUTURE ARRIVE SOON
And I wont always be this way
I NOT ALWAYS STAY SAME
When the things that make me weak and strange get engineered away
MY WEAK, STRANGE ENGINEER-[MELT AWAY]
Its gonna be the future soon
FUTURE ARRIVE SOON
Ive never seen it quite so clear
SEE [ahead] GOOD
And when my heart is breaking I can close my eyes and its already here
DURING HEART-BREAK I SHUT-EYES, FUTURE HERE

Ill probably be some kind of scientist
I BECOME SCIENTIST
Building inventions in my space lab in space
CREATE BUILD++ IN MY STARS {LAB}
Ill end world hunger Ill make dolphins speak
WORLD I-FEED-IT, DOLPHINS TEACH-THEM TALK
Work through the daytime, spend my nights and weekends
ALL-DAY WORK, ALL-NIGHT WEEKEND
Perfecting my warrior robot race
MAKE++ MY SOLDIER (robot)
Building them one laser gun at a time
{LASER} GUN (attach-to-arm)
I will do my best to teach them
I TRY TEACH-THEM
About life and what its worth
HOW LIFE IMPORTANT
I just hope that I can keep them from destroying the Earth
WORLD I HOPE THEY NOT DESTROY

(chorus)

Here on Earth theyll wonder
HERE WORLD WONDER
As I piece by piece replace myself
MACHINE PUT-INSIDE-ME+++
And the steel and circuits will make me whole
WITH METAL, CIRCUIT I BECOME BETTER
But Ill still feel so alone
BUT I LONESOME
Until Laura calls me home
UNTIL SHE INVITE-ME HOME

Ill see her standing by the monorail
I SEE-HER WAITING BESIDE 1-RAIL TRAIN
Shell look the same except for bionic eyes
LOOK SAME, BUT HAVE MACHINE EYES
She lost the real ones in the robot wars
LOST HOW? (robot) WAR
Ill say Im sorry, shell say its not your fault
[me] I SORRY, [her] NOT YOUR FAULT
Or is it?
OR TRUE?
And shell eye me suspiciously
[toward me] LOOK-AT, SUSPECT
Hearing the whir of the servos inside
MACHINES INSIDE-ME, SHE HEAR
She will scream and try to run
SCREAM, RUN-AWAY
But theres nowhere she can hide
SHE CANT ESCAPE
When a crazy cyborg wants to make you his robot bride
CRAZY ROBOT WANT MARRY-HER

[chorus]

First of May

I woke up this morning
MORNING I AWAKE
I had a scone and a large house blend
SCONE EAT, COFFEE DRINK
And then a little conversation with my squirrel and chipmunk friends
SQUIRREL, CHIPMUNK FRIEND [ix-loc] CONVERSE
I said Im sick and tired of winter
I TELL-THEM WINTER SICK-OF-IT
And I wish that it was spring
I WISH SPRING START SOON
And then a little fellow named Robin Redbreast began to sing
BIRD ROBIN FLY-DOWN START SING

And he sang
HE SING
Ooh ooh child, whatd you think the cold winters gonna last forever?
[O-handshape] CHILD YOU THINK WINTER CONTINUE?
Ooh ooh child, nows the time for all the people to get together outside
[O-handshape] NOW ALL PEOPLE MUST COME-TOGETHER OUTSIDE

Cause its the first of May, first of May
NOW MAY 1ST, MAY 1ST
Outdoor fucking starts today
FUCK++ OUTSIDE START TODAY
So bring your favorite lady
BRING YOUR FAVORITE WOMAN
Or at least your favorite lay
OR YOUR FAVORITE HOOKER
The waters not cold baby dip in your big toe
WATER FINE, TOE DIP-IN
Maybe Ill see you in flagrante delicto
MAYBE I SEE-[you] NAKED
Grass below you, sky above
GRASS FLOOR, SKY
Celebrate spring with a crazy little thing called fucking outside
CELEBRATE SPRING HOW? FUCK++ OUTSIDE

I thanked him for the information
THANK-[him] FOR INFORM
I cried a little when he flew away
HE FLY, I CRY
I watched an episode of The Peoples Court
I WATCH TV

And I tried to plan my day
MY DAY TRY PLAN
I called up my old lady
WIFE CALL-[her]
She wasnt home so I called my girl
NOT HOME, MY GIRL CALL-[her]
I asked her if shed like to join me as I
ASK-[her] IF SHE WANT TWO-OF-US
Entertain the world
WORLD ENTERTAIN

And I said
I SAY
Ooh ooh child, Ill bring a blanket and I promise I will brush the ants off
[O-handshape] CHILD, BLANKET BRING, ANTS I WIPE-OFF
Ooh ooh child, youre gonna like it when were taking each others pants off outside
[O-handshape] PANTS++ REMOVE, YOU ENJOY OUTSIDE

[chorus]

So we went to the park together
TWO-OF-US GO-TO PARK
We were walking in the midday sun
NOON WALKING
We met all kinds of people and we
MEET+++
We fucked everyone
FUCK+++
We fucked a lady who sells ice cream
WOMAN ICE CREAM VENDOR, FUCK-[her]
We fucked a man with a tan Shar Pei
MAN WITH DOG TAN, FUCK-[him]
Everyone who needed fucking well they
ALL PEOPLE NEED SEX
They got fucked today
THEY FUCK+++

So come on
COME
Ooh ooh child, open your mind and your heart, feel the spirit moving through you
[O-handshape] CHILD MIND, HEART OPEN++, FEEL HEAT [all-over]
Ooh ooh child, youll feel the warmth of the love when I stick it to you outside
[O-handshape] CHILD YOU FEEL LOVE WHEN I FUCK-[you] OUTSIDE

[chorus]

Re: Your Brains

Heya Tom, it’s Bob from the office down the hall
HI I BOB, OFFICE HALL [location-mid] FROM-[there]
Good to see you buddy, how’ve you been?
GOOD SEE-[you] FRIEND, HOW ARE YOU?
Thing have been OK for me except that I’m a zombie now
I GET-THROUGH OK, BUT I BECOME [ZOMBIE]
I really wish you’d let us in
PAST I WISH YOU INVITE-[us]
I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand
I THINK WE AGREE WE UNDERSTAND
Why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand
WHY YOU NOT WANT OBEY US
But here’s an FYI: you’re all gonna die screaming
BUT I SEND {FYI} FUTURE YOU-[all] DIE, SCREAM

All we want to do is eat your brains
WE WANT DO-WHAT? YOUR BRAIN EAT
We’re not unreasonable, I mean, no one’s gonna eat your eyes
WE NOT CRAZY, NOT EYES EAT
All we want to do is eat your brains
WE WANT DO-WHAT? YOUR BRAIN EAT
We’re at an impasse here, maybe we should compromise:
TWO-OF-US NOT GET-ALONG, MAYBE TWO-OF-US NEGOTIATE
If you open up the doors
IF YOU OPEN
We’ll all come inside and eat your brains
WE ENTER, YOUR BRAIN EAT

I don’t want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan?
I KNOW I PICK-ON-[you] BUT YOUR PLAN WHAT?
To spend your whole life locked inside a mall?
LIVE ALONE INSIDE MALL?
Maybe that’s OK for now but someday you’ll be out of food and guns
MAYBE OK NOW, BUT FUTURE GUN, FOOD FINISH
And then you’ll have to make the call
YOU MUST DECIDE
I’m not surprised to see you haven’t thought it through enough
I NOT SURPRISE YOU NOT PONDER ENOUGH
You never had the head for all that bigger picture stuff
PAST YOU NOT UNDERSTAND-ALL
But Tom, that’s what I do, and I plan on eating you slowly
BUT I UNDERSTAND, PLAN EAT-[you] SLOW

[chorus]

I’d like to help you Tom, in any way I can
TOM, I WANT HELP-[you]
I sure appreciate the way you’re working with me
TWO-OF-US COOPERATE I APPRECIATE
I’m not a monster Tom, well, technically I am
I NOT MONSTER (pause) TRUE
I guess I am
YES

I’ve got another meeting Tom, maybe we could wrap it up
HAVE MEETING, MAYBE TWO-OF-US END
I know we’ll get to common ground somehow
FUTURE TWO-OF-US AGREE
Meanwhile I’ll report back to my colleagues who were chewing on the doors
NOW I GO-TO FRIENDS, THEY DO-WHAT? DOOR CHEW
I guess we’ll table this for now
TWO-OF-US POSTPONE THIS
I’m glad to see you take constructive criticism well
MY CRITICIZE YOU ACCEPT
Thank you for your time I know we’re all busy as hell
YOUR ATTENTION THANK-YOU, WE BUSY
And we’ll put this thing to bed
FUTURE THIS MELT-AWAY
When I bash your head open
WHEN I SMASH-[you]

[chorus]

===Space Doggity==-

The cage is very small
THIS ROOM SMALL
A tiny silver ball
BALL (small morpheme) SILVER
That makes you a hero
YOU ENTER-IT,
The moment you step inside
BECOME FAMOUS
The world is watching you
WORLD WATCH-YOU
What youre about to do
FUTURE YOU DO
Will live on forever
CONTINUE+++
Even though youll be dead
EXCEPT FUTURE YOU DIE
And gone
LOST
Buckle up
BUCKLE (pantomime)
Were about to turn the engines on.
SOON WE START ROCKET-

Boyoyoing
-ROCKET (launching upward)

Hello from Sputnik 2
HI FROM {SPUTNIK 2]
I am receiving you
I CAN HEAR YOU
Thanks for the dog food
THANK-YOU FOR DOG FOOD
Im somewhere above you now
I ABOVE-YOU
Guess what Malashenkov?
RUSSIAN GUY TELL-HIM
I took the collar off
COLLAR I REMOVE-IT
Im holding my own leash
I INDEPENDENT
And walking myself outside
GO OUTSIDE
This door
OPEN DOOR
I dont think
I DONT-THINK
I want to be a good dog anymore.
I WANT OBEY-YOU CONTINUE

Now Im floating free
NOW I FLOAT
And the moons with me
MOON RIGHT-THERE
And its bright enough
IT BRIGHT
To light the dark
DARK MELT-AWAY

And its so high up here
I (emphasis) HIGH-UP
And the stars so clear
STARS SEE-THEM (emphasis)
Are they close enough?
THEY CLOSE ENOUGH?
Will they hear me bark from here?
I BARK, THEY HEAR-ME

Moscow to Sputnik 2
[SPUTNIK 2] HELLO
I think were losing you
WE CANT HEAR YOU
Your life signs are fading
YOU DETERIORATE
We cant really say that were
WE CANT SAY WE
Surprised
SUPRISE
Its a shame
THIS SAD
There is always something
ALWAYS SOMETHING
That gets compromised
EXCHANGE++

I'm Your Moon

They invented a reason
THEY INVENT EXCUSE
Thats why it stings
WHY HURT? THAT
They dont think you matter
THEY THINK YOU NO-MATTER
Because you dont have pretty rings
WHY? YOU NOT HAVE CUTE [RING-around]
I keep telling you I dont care
I TELL++ I DONT-CARE
I keep saying theres one thing they cant change
I SAY++ THEY CANT CHANGE WHAT?

Im your moon
I YOUR MOON
Youre my moon
YOU MY MOON
We go round and round
TWO-OF-US [MOON-handshapes circling]
From out here, its the rest of the world that looks so small
LOOK-[out], ALL SEEM SMALL
Promise me
YOU PROMISE-[me] WHAT?
You will always remember who you are
ALWAYS REMEMBER TOGETHER-[us]

Let them shuffle the numbers
THEY DO MATH
Watch them come and go
THEY LIVE, DIE
Were the ones who are out here
HERE TWO-OF-US ALONE
Out past the edge of what they know
FAR APART-[from them]
We can only be who we are
TWO-OF-US STAY SAME
It doesnt matter if they dont understand
THEY NOT-UNDERSTAND NO-MATTER

[chorus]

Who you were
PAST YOU
Long before
BEFORE
They said you were
THEY DECIDE
No more
YOU NOTHING

Sad excuse for a sunrise
SUNRISE, PFFT
Its so cold out here
HERE COLD
Ice and silence and dark skies
SILENT, DARK
As we go round another year
TWO-OF-US [orbit] YEAR
Let them think what they like, were fine
IGNORE-[them], TWO-OF-US FINE
I will always be right here next to you
ALWAYS TWO-OF-US CLOSE

[chorus]

Monkey Shines

When it gets bad do you believe it will get better?
IF YOUR LIFE GET-WORSE, YOU THINK FUTURE IMPROVE?
Can you forgive a big mistake?
YOUR MISTAKE YOU FORGIVE?
Is it really living if youre living by the letter?
YOUR LIFE SAME-AS-ALL, WORTH WHAT?
How many monkeys does it take to change a lifetime?
HOW-MANY MONKEY ENOUGH, YOUR LIFE CHANGE?

JoCo
{KEVIN} [JOCO]
Your monkey got a second chance he thinks hell take it
YOUR MONKEY HE CAN TRY AGAIN, HE DO THAT
JoCo
{KEVIN} [JOCO]
Your monkey knows that life is only what you make it
YOUR MONKEY HE KNOW LIFE YOU CONTROL
And once you learn how to love, its time to let it show
YOU LEARN HOW LOVE, YOU SHOW-ALL
Theres monkey shines wherever you go.
MONKEY MISCHIEF YOU FIND, GO+++